Ever get that
sneaky suspicion the whole world is watching you? If not, lucky you. Here at
Safe Haven – EVERYONE watches you especially you’re not part of some clique or
group. I enjoy being the “weird one” because (a) I don’t listen to rap or hip
hop, (b) don’t watch Empire (it’s a good Fox series but you don’t have to watch
it all of the time to understand the storyline), (c) am quite different from
the other single moms – I tend to keep to myself and stay FAR FAR away from
trouble.
In other words, I’m
the same person as before I went to that shelter …quiet, keeps to herself,
doesn’t cause any trouble, etc.
Yet, here, I feel
like I’m a test tube subject however I don’t enjoy being stared at every time I
enter the hallway or cafeteria. It’s very uncomfortable and unwelcoming as if
to say “what will the Vega duo do today”. Even my teen daughter gets stared at –
only because some residents have this fascination with her hair. Yes she has “good
hair” …now try explaining what “good hair” means to 12 year old Latina
Anyway, as a “test
subject”, people constantly watch you …and your every move. From the residents
to the staff, you’re constantly on your guard not to slip up. This
nervous-wrecking feeling has brought out my OCD in the worse way. And I don’t
like it. Have to make sure the bed is made correctly (military style), the room
is clean, everything is put away neatly, etc etc Since I’m a quiet person who
keeps to herself and don’t cause any trouble (except that one time – which I
might mention later), people really take notice of you. It’s daunting being
placed in this situation. Watched and observed and vice versa. Hope they’re
enjoying the show. They (the staff mostly) are only doing this because of my
daughter. Then again I ask – what does her mental health have to do with your
organization or how she’s handling life here? Her depression has nothing to do
with being in a homeless shelter …people get a freakin’ clue! This started WAY
before we entered your door.
*sighs*
There’s no escaping
that label of “test subject”. If I sound frustrated in throughout this blog
entry, I am. Don’t know how long I can take this place …some days I’m barely
hanging on by a very thin thread. At some point, I do feel like I will break
and go berserk …something you personally don’t want to witness. I’ve done it
before …and my daughter can tell you – it takes time for me to return to my “normal”
state of mind and person.
People around here need to
get a new hobby and stop watching us. Leave us alone.
Push the wrong
button …and watch me explode like a hissing tea kettle…
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