SouthSide's Back on the Town...

The old me is gradually making a comeback…

Last night, I reviewed my very first band at the same place where I reviewed my final show of 2014. With my daughter, I was at Old Town School of Folk Music to learn a few new dance moves before seeing Kreyol Roots perform for my other blog. It was strange at first to be outside the walls of A Safe Haven beyond the 7p curfew before yet it was refreshing to feel the cooling winter breeze and the excitement of another fun night “on the town” at the same time again. And being a music blogger for nearly 9 years, you “expertly” know the CTA bus schedule and system to memory. So I knew I would have no problems getting back to the shelter before the 11:30p curfew that I’ve set up with my caseworker.

We got back with 40 minutes to spare …and you could tell people were watching and wondering if I would get back in time. How do I know this? Oh the little things people do or not do …it’s all about body language …the tone of their voice …the way they look at you  - the surprise and shock that I’m back at the shelter before the late curfew expired. Did I ever mention I’m quite observant? It’s a gift as well as a curse …being a music blogger/press person for so long you pick up on certain things about people and the way they communicate to you. They don’t have to say much to tell you what they’re thinking. And I certainly got a lot of that upon my return.

Who cares!

I was SouthSide of SouthSide On The Town blog again …roaming the city streets covering a fun reggae-world fusion band at this legendary music venue in the heart of Lincoln Square last night. It was great to smell the grease paint and alcohol (no SouthSide doesn’t drink while working …in fact she has never touched a drop…) in the air …to be amongst the hustle and bustle of a Friday crowd scene in this diverse neighborhood …to hurry along the busy sidewalks as others travel to and from the bars or restaurants up and down Lincoln Avenue. Ah …what a feeling to have again! I loved it but probably won’t do it again for a while. The show I went to last night I was able to bring my teen daughter …my usual Friday night takes me to places where it’s 21+ only …there a few AA (all-ages) shows happening however they may be in the burbs or places where I would need an overnight pass to cover. So, this was a rare Friday night I could share with my teen.

Oh, by the way, my teen thought the band was awesome …my review and pictures coming soon on my other blog – http://southsideonthetown.blogspot.com.

Anyway, on Sunday, you shall find SouthSide and her teen at the House of Blues rockin’ out to another band …do expect pictures and review of that show….

Oh in other news – I shall be cooking dinner for the shelter.

Yeah, I know. It’s still shocking for me too.

Long story but here’s the short version. Yesterday during lunch (in which I’m never there for but since my daughter was ill and had to pick her up from school early), I made a comment about the chef’s spaghetti. I said I don’t eat anyone’s spaghetti unless I made it myself. So he dared me to try some of his. Had to admit it was good …could use a little less sauce but some mushrooms and garlic. That’s when my daughter said “you should cook with them” and the chef agreed. He said pick a day when I could come in the kitchen and make something. On Thursday – I shall be making my famous lasagna with spinach in the cheese mixture (I learned if you put veggies within the cheese mixture aka ricotta, mozzarella, and parmesan …kids will eat it! I do the same with my meatloaf but I’m not giving them that secret). I’m nervous yet cannot wait to chop, dice, mix and eat my own cooking again!

Already gave him a short list of things I will need to make dinner minus one. You can’t buy it at any grocery store. That other “secret” ingredient for making lasagna – I add a dash of “love”…

Don’t worry, I shall report how dinner turns out…

Two months and so later....

Two months and counting…

That’s how long I’ve been at ASHF …hopefully not for long. Spring has sprung (sort of) and it’s time to enjoy the fresh air …warm sun …longer daylight hours and the hot rockin’ music scene that will soon explode in Chicago. The last statement – I need to be a part of that again. I miss it so much. Hanging out with my bands …friends …fans …celebrities …and my “stalkers” (I actually do have a stalker or two). MORE importantly my time here at this shelter is numbered and I’m SO ready to flee …as soon as I gain employment and housing.

That’s the goal, folks.

The “air” in this place is stifling …there’s no room to breathe or feel “free”. This is why I tend to “disappear” most days when taking my daughter to school. I honestly cannot for the life of me understand how anyone stay within these walls all day long. Unless you’re in a “class” aka Computer Learning …Life Skills …etc – there’s basically nothing to do here except lounge around …hang out on the computers (if available and or not used for a class) …or whatever most people do when their hands are idle.

“Idle hands…” – something someone very dear to me once told me.

I don’t have idle hands. My hands are busy applying for positions and typing pages for this book I’m writing …to which I’m ALMOST finished – YES! It’s a major accomplishment and (hopefully) it will be completed on time since an official completion date has been set. Let’s just say – it’s getting really, really, REALLY good. More about that later as I approach the due date.

Back to being at ASHF – I’ve learned to navigate the system …the pecking order as it were. Whom to avoid or not associate myself with to whom I should align myself with but from a safe distance. It’s almost like “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” type of scenario. Yet, in my case, I’m keeping all fronts closer than ever. My skills as an observant music blogger comes quite in handy when analyzing residents at this place. I’m not here to make friends or join a clique …I’m here for one thing only.

That being said - you would be amazed by the things I know and see as well as heard. Not going to give anything away but if I was to write my life story today …gawd, what sordid tales I could tell and secrets I would definitely expose especially about living inside a homeless shelter. It may not be the glamorous part of my life at the moment but I do keep it real and somewhat exciting …always an adventure these days…

…but for now – the goal is to be “free” …to breathe in the fresh air …and rock with the music scene again.

Summer comes extremely fast and I definitely do not was to be still here missing out on the fun that comes with it…

In other news – the food here is sort of improving. It’s a gradual improvement actually. One Sunday for dinner – they served meatballs with spicy marinara sauce (so delicious – we had two plates) …however they need to serve something other than chicken. When I leave here, chicken will NOT be on the menu at my place for a while! It’s not that they don’t know how to cook chicken but they have run out of ways to serve it. And pouring sweet and sour sauce over cut chicken pieces does not constitute that it’s sweet-n-sour chicken. That’s just sauce poured over chicken pieces. They recently did try to serve meatloaf – HA! I trust no one’s meatloaf except my own and my mom’s. All others are crap and you can definitely quote me on that! I did enjoy they “honey” flavored chicken they had one day. Now, they need to add some BBQ sauce …or at least have chicken nuggets or strips for the kids. Today it was “chop suey” …heard it was good. Unless it has fresh veggies and noodles – it’s not good to me. I don’t “do” canned veggies with my cooking. Something I miss doing SO terribly. Anyway – chicken is about the only thing here that’s safe …besides the eggs (sometimes they’re too runny …swimming because they’re not cooked fully) and the salad bar – but leave the black olives out of the greens! They did try to serve a burrito type taco – mine’s better …of course. Sunday – the turkey/ham sandwiches were totally not appealing. I like my daughter’s suggestion – pizza. There should be a pizza night here …and I don’t mean the nasty-looking pizza casserole they served in January that looked as if they had a pizza …dropped it on the floor and mashed it into a casserole dish.

One day …the kitchen staff will get it right…

…or not…

"...the keys to your new home..."

Keys

Having a pair of keys may seem trivial as well as unimportant you. However to a homeless person, it's means normalcy ...the freedom to come and go as they please ...without having being told when to eat or what to eat ...normalcy ...a life beyond the walls of A Safe Haven Foundation. 

Keys ...I had such a pair when my daughter and I were moved into the apartment room in a building known as "Richmond" (named after it's location). And during that brief time outside and beyond the confines of the main building site of ASHF, we enjoyed a bit of normalcy though there were chores to do ...rules to follow and classes to attend. However there was normalcy and a bit of freedom while living there.

I was able to shop and cook my own food. Ah ...to have FRESH vegetables rather than whatever the kitchen staff considers "fresh" to be ...it was nice to have cumin, peppers, jalapenos, cilantro, sugar snap peas and many other veggies in my diet again. Though it made me sick for a couple of days but it was wonderful to eat "healthy" without the cafeteria grease. My daughter enjoyed it the most because she was eating again (she had lost a lot of weight by not eating the food since arriving - it will definitely try to kill ya). Stir fry cooking ...tex-mex meals ...pizza! 

Yes, it nice being able to cook again. Plus my roommate never met a person like myself who would bring home the vegetable aisle nearly every week. I don't do canned (unless it's water chestnuts) or processed food products. It has to be fresh and spiced with seasonings and spices.

Also while at "Richmond", there was peace and quiet. Finally, I was able to get a decent night's rest without hearing the yelling, screaming, gossip and "...I'm going to *bleep* *bleep* your ass if you don't..." from the mothers on the second floor. Since we mainly kept to ourselves while at the main site (and still do), we practiced the same while at "Richmond". We got up at the same time leaving around 8a and didn't return home until 5p or so ...just in time to cook a small meal and then head to class. I like disappearing from the site all day ...it's all about normalcy. Don't get me wrong I could stay at ASHF and use their free wi-fi connection (since my laptop is set up for that) however I like hanging out at the library near my daughter's school during the week ...away from the noise and gossip ...away from those who like getting into other people's business except their own.

Normalcy and keys...

The goal now that I'm back at the main site - "Richmond" is designed for mothers with one small child from 0 to 5yrs old ...not moms with teenaged children - is getting my own set of keys. It's a process since I'm looking for a job ...something to do in between finishing this book and reviewing the local music scene (which I have taken a hiatus from - nightly curfews of 7p hinders that part of my life).

Can't wait have keys so my daughter and I can return to normalcy again...

Meet the Staff...

While my stay here at A Safe Haven Foundation hasn’t been the most pleasant or without any problems, I have met a group of colorful characters who work within the structure of this non-profit organization. Real people whom I see day to day, week after week whether it’s in the hallways or in classroom (yep, while residing at this particular shelter we are given time management sheets listing which groups ie classes to attend). Some I admire …others have my utmost respect …then there are others who receive neither because their “first impression” rubbed me the wrong way. And my mother has always said “…you only get one first impression so make it a good one…”

So let’s meet some of the people ie staff members of A Safe Haven Foundation…

One person you really have to meet is Ms. Brown from the “cheerleader” of the Education Department. She’s quite the MOST colorful staff member here with her overly exuberant excitement during the weekly community meetings to get everyone “…on board the education train…” spiel. As whacky as is sounds, you have to see her in action as she paces up and down the aisle to get the cafeteria full of residents to sign up for the free programs they offer here. This shelter offers classes in culinary skills to welding as well as GED/Adult Education and Financial Literacy …even computer classes for beginners and intermediate level. So far, I have completed the Financial Literacy class (received a diploma too!) taught by Mr. Bush (we’ll meet him in a moment). What really makes Ms. Brown such a colorful character is that she livens up what really is a boring though informative community meeting every Monday night. Her little spiel has people laughing hysterically in their seats …and don’t think she doesn’t notice either. Her idioms and phrases may be from forty years (or so) ago but they still ring some truth today. Her job isn’t limited to telling us about the education programs. She also teaches the New Resident classes, works in the computer lab and couple of other classes during the day. In actuality, she’s one of the nicest instructors to talk to.

Another woman you should meet while staying at A Safe Haven is Ms Dorothy. She has led one interesting life (thus far) …she’s been in jail (too numerous to count), has been a resident herself at another homeless shelter, now currently a college student and aspiring actress who loves being in front of the camera. That’s barely touching the iceberg of her life. What makes her earn my respect and admiration – she will be blunt and tell you like it is without the run-around or flowery excuses. If you want to be in the know about how things are actually run or want to know to address a complaint/grievance about your stay as a ASHF client, you need to see Ms. Dorothy. She will definitely tell you how to go about doing it without sounding like you’re the street environment. My first time meeting her was when I started attending her Friday night “Life Skills” sessions where we would watch movies (some of her favorites as well as mine) like Pauline, Cooley High. However, it’s her take on what really happening inside this shelter is what keeps me focused on my goal – getting the heck out of here asap. And though I haven’t really talked to her about my situation with another staff member (who shall be dubbed as the “Dragon Lady”), I took her advice to heart and address my problems in a detailed written 3 page letter (the first time) and another one (recently in which I covered my tracks by giving copies to my caseworker, attorney, and others I trust to see I mean business). Still, she’s only person (besides my caseworker) who deals with reality as it should be and doesn’t give a flying f*ck what the other staff members think or say about her and her opinionated personality. Oh just to warn you – get to class early or by 7:30p or you will be denied entry if you arrive at 7:35p. More importantly, just be prepared to know things about ASHF that they really don’t teach you during the new resident classes.

Ms Kim L is my caseworker and ever since the first day I met her, we instantly connected. However, get on her bad side and she could be your worst enemy. Just do what you have to do …attend classes …look for a job …search for an apartment …stay out of trouble etc etc and you’ll be in her “cool” book. Ms Kim always has my back even though she wasn’t privy to certain information prior to my move back into the main site without any reason or justification. Yep, she gave me sound advice about how to handle the situation …still waiting for the end result of this problem. I like her. She’ll advocate her butt off for you whenever her supervisor aka “Dragon Lady” or Ms S (ASHF Program Manager) are on your back. Her schedule is quite busy because she does SO much during her short time here …defusing arguments and problems to recommending us to programs and housing assignments. For example, women and kids were forced to eat outside (in the freezing cold …and I’m not joking about this) because they had brought food from the outside after the time in which women with kids could eat. That not only pissed off Ms. Kim but also the Nelli (the head of ASHF) – not acceptable. Or another time, Ms Shelia (another staff member) was kicking women and their children out of the cafeteria while they were in the middle of eating dinner so the CSAP (the county monitoring program) women could eat. That and the one mentioned in prior raised a HUGE ruckus here amongst the residents. Other things like changing the menu to something more kid friendly and more activities for them …just a small look at what she has to deal with on her caseload. And she’s good at what she does too.

Next, meet Mr. Bush. He teaches a parenting (non) class and financial literacy. I highly recommend taking both classes especially the financial literacy. He’s one of the few intelligent people I’m able to have an “adult” conversation without being or feeling talked down to because I’m a resident at a homeless shelter. He’s very straightforward about his information on both subjects. I enjoyed attending the financial literacy every Thursday night for about 45 minutes learning how to budget, save and invest wisely with my money. And then there's Mr. Eric and I admire him the most. I first had him as my goal setting class and now I have him for one of two life skills classes every Tuesday night from 7:30 to 8:30. Another intelligent person you should meet at ASHF. Why? Because he doesn’t let his disability (has no arms) be an excuse for not succeeding. I don’t want to know how or what happened – it’s not any of my business however I do know he used to work at the Library of Congress in D.C. before coming to ASHF as an instructor. He’s really cool …another person who will tell it to you without beating around the bush. It’s straightforward and sometimes very blunt. During life skills class, our opinions do matter in which our discussions might take the class over its allotted time. Both men don't look down or see you as a homeless person ...they treat you with the respect you deserve as a person which entails you to respect them back. Also before I forget ...another male you should know is Mr. Dallas - one of few that I know who enjoys classical music. Sitting in his cubicle during the intake process was pleasant since he playing some of my favorite classical compositions (I'm a HUGE Mozart fan though I enjoy others like Debussy, Chopin Handel, Beethoven and more). It was refreshing after my LONG weekend being locked inside this glass gilded cage to hear something other than that same two-count hip hop/rap beat where I lived on my floor.

There are others ...I might mention them later or not. However these are the ones who deserve to be mentioned in this blog episode today....

Test Subject ASHF...

Ever get that sneaky suspicion the whole world is watching you? If not, lucky you. Here at Safe Haven – EVERYONE watches you especially you’re not part of some clique or group. I enjoy being the “weird one” because (a) I don’t listen to rap or hip hop, (b) don’t watch Empire (it’s a good Fox series but you don’t have to watch it all of the time to understand the storyline), (c) am quite different from the other single moms – I tend to keep to myself and stay FAR FAR away from trouble.

In other words, I’m the same person as before I went to that shelter …quiet, keeps to herself, doesn’t cause any trouble, etc.

Yet, here, I feel like I’m a test tube subject however I don’t enjoy being stared at every time I enter the hallway or cafeteria. It’s very uncomfortable and unwelcoming as if to say “what will the Vega duo do today”. Even my teen daughter gets stared at – only because some residents have this fascination with her hair. Yes she has “good hair” …now try explaining what “good hair” means to 12 year old Latina teen. I can’t explain it but I’ve heard it all my life. I told her it’s a racial obsession amongst the African-American culture …go figure. Only because her hair isn’t perm ie processed with harsh chemical and whatnot to make it super stiff and straight. It’s au natural and it’s going to stay that way too …until she dyes it the color that she picked out long ago.

Anyway, as a “test subject”, people constantly watch you …and your every move. From the residents to the staff, you’re constantly on your guard not to slip up. This nervous-wrecking feeling has brought out my OCD in the worse way. And I don’t like it. Have to make sure the bed is made correctly (military style), the room is clean, everything is put away neatly, etc etc Since I’m a quiet person who keeps to herself and don’t cause any trouble (except that one time – which I might mention later), people really take notice of you. It’s daunting being placed in this situation. Watched and observed and vice versa. Hope they’re enjoying the show. They (the staff mostly) are only doing this because of my daughter. Then again I ask – what does her mental health have to do with your organization or how she’s handling life here? Her depression has nothing to do with being in a homeless shelter …people get a freakin’ clue! This started WAY before we entered your door.

*sighs*

There’s no escaping that label of “test subject”. If I sound frustrated in throughout this blog entry, I am. Don’t know how long I can take this place …some days I’m barely hanging on by a very thin thread. At some point, I do feel like I will break and go berserk …something you personally don’t want to witness. I’ve done it before …and my daughter can tell you – it takes time for me to return to my “normal” state of mind and person.

People around here need to get a new hobby and stop watching us. Leave us alone.

Push the wrong button …and watch me explode like a hissing tea kettle…

Surviving My First Weekend...

Gawd, I’m SO bored!

There’s nothing to do in this place except eat, nap, play games on the laptop, eat, work on my book, nap, listen to the emergency vehicles (next door to a fire station), watch the CTA buses zoom by, eat, nap, do chores (every resident is assigned a chore) and then listen to the yelling and screaming all night long. 

SO much drama happens here ...someone should do a reality show about this place.

Yep, that was my first weekend here at Safe Haven. Life here is faux-bulous …we’re living the high life every day. However, since I arrived during a holiday weekend, I can’t leave the building until I do “intake” (getting processed “officially” as an ASHF resident) on Monday. So, my daughter and I are totally stuck in this crazy place …actually more like held prisoner against our will within this chaotic madhouse.

Whoever said “…motherhood is a beautiful thing…” hasn’t seen the mothers at this place. Some here need more than just parenting classes. They need family counseling …therapy …anger management and mentorship. I can count the number of times I’ve heard these “young” moms yell, berate, scream, et al at their kids even in the most foulest of language. I’m no “Mother of the Year” either …I have my faults when it comes to parenting. And yes, I can angry at my daughter too but not in a way I would do it like the others here would.

Sometimes, there are moments when peaceful silence surrounds the floor …yet those moments a strange rarity but the walls are so thin you can hear the rooms on either side (especially if you share a vent with the next room) and the room above you.

Instead of banding together, there was cliques (yep, just like high school) ...factions of mothers. And when it comes to cliques - there's also bullying ...not just on at the resident level but also at kid level as well as between certain staff members (more about that in an upcoming blog post). My daughter and I make it a habit to avoid such people around here. I only have one goal in mind - to get the heck out of here as soon as possible. It's kinda hard finding another mother who's likeminded or close to your level around here. It's nice to bond with my daughter since we're both on the same intellectual level but it's also nice to have adult conversations with another adult.  My roommate is okay ...her two daughters are a riot!. 

My first weekend was a definite learning experience. Never knew there were SO many hours in a day when usually I’m out and about covering local/indie bands …for the first time in a long while, I’m stuck inside …borderline experiencing cabin fever. Yep, almost went bonkers being so bored ...luckily I have my unfinished book to somewhat keep me and movies to keep me busy . There’s nothing much to do here except hang out at the computer lab to connect to the Wi-Fi. Other than that, you either have an overnight pass (get to that later in this blog) or you’re stuck watching the snowflakes fall. Nothing much for the kids to do here either. As I mentioned, it’s not a kid-friendly place.

Weekends totally suck  …can’t wait to get out and feel the sun shining …the cold Chicago winds blowing …I hate being caged like a bird in gilded trappings but these trappings aren’t what they seem at all…

On that Monday, I was SO happy to breathe the fresh air when taking my daughter to school. Yeah, it was cold but it never tasted so good after spending a weekend locked up in a gilded cage. After doing intake, I spent most of that roaming around town.

Freedom never tasted so deliciously sweet. 

Ah…

To be continued…

Hi, I'm Homeless...

Author’s note: There’s a saying that I know “Be careful or you just might become a character in my book…” Well as in the case of this blog – everyone is character without any name changes. I don't expect a huge following with the blog entries I make ...just want to share my thoughts and experiences with you...

At this moment, I’m sitting on a bed in the most mouse-infested room (seen three of them scurrying around Saturday night so far …I’m sure there’s more) on the second floor at this building. Ha! You should have seen this particular room earlier when I was moved from the transitional apartment known as “Richmond” to where I’m at now. It was totally a mess! Food …mice droppings ...trash …clothes …etc was all over the place – no one thought or bothered to clean it before I arrived with my daughter. However, I’m getting ahead of myself about this place. Perhaps I should start at the beginning…

The place – A Safe Haven Foundation …is located near the Little Italy, Lawndale and Garfiled Park neighborhoods in Chicago. As many as I’ve passed by this place. I never knew it was a homeless shelter. Yep, I am in a homeless shelter with my teen daughter. Though I never bothered to care or know what this place is, it’s one of the few places (so I’ve been told) that’s better to be than the other options. And I didn’t know there were other options! Someone should write a handbook about homelessness because I’m getting a really good education about it now. However, here at Safe Haven, the staff and workers give off that general assumption that one (like myself) have been through the “system” and/or homelessness.

In my case, it’s neither.

This is my first time …and my only time since I don’t plan on repeating it ever again.

I arrived in the afternoon on January 2 with my daughter and a shopping cart of stuff …clothes, bedding and other personal items. Actually, I had to leave and come back with the rest of my stuff before I was “officially” inducted as a resident of A Safe Haven Foundation. Hey, don’t judge! I didn’t know what to bring …remember, this is my first time. What a way to start 2015. Automatically, I knew they probably have never seen a person like me …a woman who had the “deer caught in the headlights” look on her face but I wasn’t going to show them any fear or nervousness. I would save that for later when I’m finally in the room apologizing to my daughter for putting her in this predicament.

The process began with sorting of our clothes …10 outfits for me and 15 for my daughter. Of course, me never being homeless before packed WAY too much clothes. Everything, the clothes we came to the shelter in and the ones we picked, were unceremoniously lumped together along with our undergarments into one huge washer machine (on a HOT setting) to be washed and dried …after also sorting out other personal items we wanted to keep before putting them into storage. Meanwhile, the clothes were being washed and we had to shower in the bathroom located in the laundry area. Even with the door locked, I was terrified but again I tried not to show any fear especially in front of my daughter. Since we didn’t have clothes yet, we wore scrubs which automatically indicated to the other residents here who the new people were since it was dinnertime here.

Oh joy …food! There’s no such thing as a decent meal here and our first dinner at Safe Haven truly lived up to its “reputation”. The burger – dried (as in The Mojave Desert) …fries – cold or lukewarm at best …the drink – tasted like the combination of kool-aid and iced tea. Yep, it’s fine dining at its best when you reside at Chez Safe Haven, folks. Soon, I would learn in the coming days the kitchen LOVES chicken. Seriously, it’s baked chicken …greasy roasted chicken …sweet and sour chicken (their version with pineapple sauce and red peppers) …reheated whatever chicken …chicken …chicken along with mystery and surprise meats like roasted pork loin (extremely dry), meatloaf (wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole) …pizza casserole (smashed pizza – yuck!) and so much more. Food not decent enough to serve to your enemies. The only thing that’s fairly safe is the salad bar …and most days I ate from there than having a full meal. Don’t get me started about the breakfast. Yeah I know I shouldn’t be complaining …in fact grateful they serve food but they could at least serve something worth nutritional and healthy. Wait, you have kids or special dietary requirements? Well, here at Chez Safe Haven cafeteria, you’re out of luck! They don’t cater to having kid-friendly meals or special diets (which they should especially those who are of a certain religion).

My first few hours here is almost coming to a close. After quickly eating “dinner”, we were shown to our room on the second floor. It’s not much to brag about …just dormitory style housing with the simplistic of necessities – a bed, a nightstand, sink to share with your roommate or kids and shared bathroom with the next door to you. When we arrived, our clothes weren’t ready yet but that’s when the feeling of actually being homeless really took its toll …the realization that this would be “home” for a while. Not the best way to start the new year.

It was hard to fathom (and it’s still is) that I’m homeless…

To be continued

Surviving my first weekend…